Why are we called Third Therapy?

So, why are we called Third Therapy?

While the therapists at Third might have different training backgrounds, we all believe that change occurs in the co-created space between the client and therapist. This space is known as the ‘third’. 

The idea was popularised by Jessica Benjamin, a feminist psychoanalyst, in her work “Beyond Doer and Done To”. The two positions of ‘doer’ and ‘done to’ can be played out by client and therapist when they fail to recognise one another as two separate but connected individuals. This is a stuck complementary pattern of twoness with only two options: submit or resist. Imagine a straight line connecting two people. There is no space in a line where change can happen. However, if we imagine a third as a point on a triangle, many different positions can be taken up within the triangle. 

One way the doer/done-to relationship is enacted is when the therapist sees themselves as an objective, neutral observer of the client, and the client feels themselves to be the subject to be worked upon. In a session, this might feel like not having agency, not being able to disagree with your therapist or not being heard if you try. The danger of the belief in therapist objectivity is that it can privilege what is already privileged. Any identity that is not cis, White, heteronormative, non-disabled, straight, and neurotypical is othered and can be seen as a problem.  

Unlike the traditional ‘blank screen’ approach, where the therapist gives nothing away about who they are or how they feel in response to what the client is saying, Benjamin’s intersubjective therapy is two people in a room, co-creating a relationship between them. This makes each therapeutic relationship totally unique. One reason this approach is so important to us at Third, is because we know there is no such thing as a neutral therapist. Each person brings their own subjectivity, identities, life experiences, and values into the therapy room. They might not all be explicitly shared, but they exist and are often felt keenly by our clients. 

If something happens in the therapy relationship that feels upsetting or even risks the relationship ending, we don’t assume it is the client's problem or fault. Instead, our approach is to wonder with the client “what is happening between us?”, acknowledge the pain and admit fault. When your point of view and lived reality are recognised and taken in by your therapist, it can feel relieving. You are free to take a new position if you don’t have to struggle to be seen anymore. Working with the ways we are different creates a space in which you can freely express yourself, change patterns that you are stuck in and create new connections. 

In your introductory conversation with your therapist, it could be helpful to reflect on:

What is it like to be myself with this person? 

If I challenged something they said, would they be defensive or take my point on board? 

Did I feel heard and seen?